He Blew Me Off

It’s a moment I won’t forget for a long time. You see, my neighbor and I have had a good relationship for the few years I’ve lived in my house. He and his wife are usually kind to me, and they love seeing my dogs. These neighbors will often walk up to the fence and chat with me about the neighborhood, the dogs, the weather, or pretty much anything else on our minds at the time. But a few days ago, the guy blew me off! I didn’t see it coming. Actually that’s not completely true. I didn’t see it coming until just before it happened.

He and I love working in our yards. He loves it more than I do, actually, so when I start to mow my yard and he’s anywhere within earshot, he’ll ask if I want him to mow or if I want to use his “zero turn” John Deere. It’s totally unfair but I’ll use my push mower to cut his ditch. He’s on a corner lot so there’s quite a bit of ditch, but it’s still very unfair in my favor. So on this particular day, after my yard was finished, I took my mower out to his ditch. It was a windy afternoon so as I mowed, all the grass blew right back in my face. I was covered in green pretty much from my head down to the inside of my boots. Of course it happens on the one day I mow with shorts on! I finished mowing and as I walked the mower past my neighbor’s drive way, he had me stand there for a second. He used his leaf blower to hose me down. Hose me down with air. It was the kindest thing. And we both laughed.

I love having good neighbors.

-Out of the Wilderness

Me and My Machete

It was the weekend and I knew it was time to tackle the overgrown brush in the backyard.

So Sunday afternoon I picked up a Gerber Gator Machete from REI. Before deciding on that particular machete, I read reviews for a machete at Lowe’s and reviews for the Gerber. Without a doubt, I knew the Gerber was the one to go with. Once I got home, I knew I had a Goliath-sized task ahead of me. So for over 3 hours, I hacked away and was extremely pleased with the machete. My body gave out well before the machete and in fact, to give the machete life-like qualities, I’d say it never even blinked an eye. Take a look at the results below! Still more work to do, but with this Gerber machete, I’m chomping at the bit to get to it!

Cee-Lo Green, Kickball, and Other Thoughts

If Cee-Lo was on the Periodic Table of Elements, he would be this:

Having dogs is just like being a parent, but nothing like having kids.

I make a point to not warn others when a cop with a radar gun is in the median.

I want to learn how to straigten out a curved broom.

My friend is extremely worried that he’s paranoid.

The song “How Bizarre” reminds me of Leon High School, class of ’97.

So does “The Distance”… remember that one? He’s going the distance, he’s going for speed? Good stuff.

My beagle’s Indian name is “Little Big Ear.” She’s a petite beagle with large ears.

My other dog’s Indian name is “Blue Eyes Rising.” She has icy blue eyes. She jumps.

Actually those are their Native American names.

I love technology but I’m always behind the curve. Yes, that means I still have a VCR.

How ’bout having thumbs, huh? That’s awesome.

I played kickball the other day. Haven’t played organized kickball since school. My hip joint hurts.

Country music: the retirement home of artists in the music industry.

Is Italian food in Italy just called… food?

This is one of my favorite performances by anybody, ever. (begins at the 7:22 mark)

You’re Not Fully Clean Unless You’re Zestfully Clean

My water bill was $19 last month. That’s high in my world because my dogs are the only ones who drink water (regularly) and I’m the only one who showers in it (semi-regularly). So for whatever reason I woke up this morning singing the Zest soap jingle. It reminds me of something Joey and Uncle Jesse would come up with in the episodes where they were advertising partners. The jingle also reminded me I need to buy soap today. And I’ll use it the next time I take a shower… in a few weeks. 

Cut. It. Out of the Wilderness.

Cicadas Crash Into Me

Ok, it’s probably a little weird that I miss these little boogers. Why weird? Male cicadas play music to attract females. It’s like a reminder every 17 years of who I wasn’t in college. You remember those guys that could pick up a guitar and play any Dave Matthews song. It was rough for the rest of us. All we had to go on was our wit.  

And just imagine a few years ago when the cicadas showed up in Nashville. An insect that makes music in Music City? They had to be good. I bet they all hoped to come here and live the dream. Now they’ve settled down, they have a wife, they use a baby cicada bjorn, they’re changing little cicada diapers. The guitar’s in the corner collecting dust. They feel empty, like a shell of the wild cicada they used to be. 

But for that one crazy summer, they made music. And it was good. I can still hear the deafening melody. I can still see them flying around aimlessly. I can still recall Googling “Is it ok for my dog to eat a cicada.” But it was the harmonious buzz of summertime. Their sound synonymous with sweet tea and late sunsets. If asked why I miss cicadas…

That’s what I would say, Dave Matthews.

-Out of the Wilderness

Wacky Wednesday: Man in the Mirror

I know I’m not the only narcissistic person in the world, and for me it mostly shows up during my afternoon jog/workouts. There’s a sidewalk over on James Robertson Parkway beside a building with reflective windows. Every time I jog past those windows, I make a point to look at myself on the way… and the way back. Hey, if helps me stay motivated, I’ll keep doing it!

“I’m looking at the man in the mirror, oh yeah!”

Alright… Night, Night

It’s one of those things that you don’t realize is happening till it’s a regular occurrence. Actually, if I had to boil most of what my dogs know, it’s happened that way. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve taught Piper to sit, shake, crawl under, halt, and a few other things. I’ve taught Asia to come, stay, retrieve (at least, her frisbee), sit, and shake. But a lot of how they behave is simply based on repitition. So this phrase I’ve been saying for years, “Alright… night, night,” has been one of those repetitive things that has paid off in the long run because when the dogs hear “night, night,” they know what to do. And that’s go back to sleep. It’s awesome, especially at 330am when they scratch on the door ready for breakfast! Other repetitive behaviors and phrases the dogs have picked up on:

1. When I park in the driveway and hit the car door locks, the horn honks and the dogs come running to see me from the back yard. 
2. “Let’s eat!” My dogs will sprint towards their food bowls, tails a-waggin’.
3. “Leave it!” They’ll drop whatever they have in their mouth, hopefully.
4. “Well, if it isn’t Piper the dog!” Piper begins to whine and squeal.
5. When I grab their harnesses, they both get excited for a walk.
6. “Rabbit?” Piper (a beagle) goes burzurk.

Just to name a few.

Alright… night, night.
-Out of the Wilderness